I will start this post with a few confessions about myself. It is not easy for me to talk about me, I have always been a very private person. This has of course a lot to do with my personal “demons” and insecurities. I have always liked to give as little information about me as possible and always tried in a conversation to focus on the other person. Maybe that is why I´m so good at my job as a psychiatrist 🙂 . Well, that was a way for me to be in control of the situation and not to show that I´m not perfect.
A few weeks ago I had the 10 year reunion with my colleagues from Med School. This was for me a huge “thing” as I started to analyse the last 10 years of my life.
Remembering every decision, good or bad, every choice, every thing I did or I didn´t do led to a “life crisis” as I felt I didnt´t achieve all I wanted or, better said, I didn´t find myself in the place I thought I would be by now. You see, as I finished Med School I had big expectations about how my life as a doctor would be. I didn´t want to save the whole world, but close. Now, 10 years after that I find myself working in a “normal” hospital and having “normal” patient to whom I provide “normal” care. So this was kind of a “failure” for me.
At some point though, I asked myself: am I really that unhappy and dissapointed of how my life went? The answer popped instantly in my mind: No, I am not at all dissapointed or unhappy. I worked really hard to get where I am now, I am really good at my job because I love what I do. And I am saving the world, not the whole world, just the world around me and that is enough. I also realized that many of my expectations at the end of Med School were unrealistic.
On one side there is the spirit of competition that is encouraged during school, the idea that you have to be better than the others. This leads to always comparing yourself with others and as there will always be someone who is better than you at something, you will always “fail” at something.
On the other side, medicine has always been a “closed environment”, that was always romanticized for those on the outside. When as a young doctor, you realize that your patient are as “normal” as your hairdresser or the lady who sells you coffee every day and you don´t get to operate in an elevator using nothing but a pen or some other curios thing, then it is only natural to feel fooled. Most of us will never be “Meredith Grey” and that is just the cruel reality.
Well, 10 years after, it is not all that bad. It is just different. There are a few important things you learn along the way. Maybe the most important thing is to STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. Every one of us is his/her own person and different rules apply.
Of great importance is to never stop learning. Everything you invest, you invest in yourself. Never give up on you, there is always time to achieve what you want if you are determined enough.
So, 10 years and a “life crisis” after, I just made peace with my professional life 🙂 . And guess what, just after that the next interesting opportunity in my career came up 😉 .
Until next time, I wish you peace and happiness!
P.S. The pictures are from a trip to Strasbourg, France as in Iasi I didn´t have my photographer (that would be hubbie) with me.